Single Beyond 30
If you are a single lady beyond the age of 30 and you wholeheartedly desire to get married, you may be asking yourself many questions. You have dreamed, prayed, waited, but he hasn’t shown up yet. How can you live a purposeful single life?
Growing up, I had this cliché about life, which was to be a studious good girl, complete school, find a stable job, and then get married. I followed this path as best as I could, however, it didn’t work out as I planned. Now, I am in my early 30s, still single and back in school, and I tend to ask myself where did things go wrong?
I grew up in the church as a preacher’s kid and gave my life to Christ as a teenager. For the most part, my life was normal. I read the stories of Rebecca, Rachel, Ruth, and Esther in the Bible, about their love stories and how they were found and loved. Many times, I find myself craving for these types of stories, but what if these kind of love stories this is not the will of God for me? Will I be ok or force what I believe is good for me? What if God is asking for me to trust and wait for his timing, what am I doing with the time He is giving me? For the past few years, I have been asking myself these questions and the following are a few steps that helped me to live a joyful and purposeful life as a single lady.
Define/Redefine you, your purpose and dreams
We tend to believe that we have it all figured out but fail to take time to redefine our lives as the seasons change. Until my late 20s, I could not define who I was or what was my purpose in life. I followed the norms of society and friends. Then I started soul searching; I asked myself questions such as:
- Who am I?
- Who does God say I am?
- What is my purpose?
- Does my purpose serve me alone or others as well?
- If I were to die today, would I say that I have followed my dreams and purpose, or would I just leave behind unfinished tasks?
This self-examination led me to re-evaluate my life and I decided to go back to school. However, it took four years before I could fully enroll back in school. This is to say that you must do this more than once. It is a constant reassessment and reaffirmation from God.
Accept your singleness and be thankful
The worst problem is to pity yourself or put everything aside to chase someone. It is a waste of time and energy. The sooner you accept that God knew you would be single at this given moment, the easier you can accept to walk into this season with grace, joy, and peace. If you lack joy, peace, and grace, ask for it. He is faithful enough to walk the journey with you. Be thankful for your singleness and embrace it. You have more time than any married woman; use that time to get closer to God, to intimately know Him, to fall in love with Him and His word. I assure you that this will satisfy most of what you are longing for. This may sound like a cliché, but believe me, there is a way to have a victorious single life. I am not saying that this is easy because it is not at all, but you have the power to refocus your time and energy; it helps lighten the burden of singleness.
Surround yourself with people who speak life to you, who do not see your singleness as an anomaly, but a season that you are blooming in. This walk requires companionship, otherwise, you will find yourself bitter at the rest of the world and jealous of people’s lives. You may notice that most of your friends are married and have kids, nevertheless, that should not stop you from building meaningful friendships, or being part of their lives. Share your singleness with them as they share what it means to be married and being a parent with you. They are in a season where you long to be one day, so you can learn one or two things, but mostly you can be each other’s support system, prayer partners, and confidant. I cannot imagine walking this journey on my own. My friends and family have become a beacon of hope, fortitude, and strength. I can testify that most of the time, I live a happy and complete single life, and the times that are difficult for me, I am honest with God about how I feel and I know He can take my raw truth.
Tomorrow, is Valentine’s Day and if you are single, you may find yourself very depressed and asking God why? Why another year without a lover? Why another year without celebrating this day with someone special? However, instead of choosing depression and justified anger, you have an opportunity to celebrate you and the love of God in your life. Celebrate the fact that no man will love you more than God loves you and how YOU love yourself. Buy yourself flowers if you want flowers; make dinner for yourself and dress up for that occasion, do things that will make you happy and content, but please by all means do not give in to depression and self pity. Many women have found a way of coping with loneliness; some buy valentine’s day cards and write down what they would have wished to share with that special person, others write in a journal and others go out with friends. Whatever you do, do something that brings you inner peace, but that does not dishonour God either. In all, remember that this is a day to celebrate love in your life, it doesn’t forcibly mean a “man”. This can be an occasion to celebrate your parents, friends, siblings anyone who brings joy, love and happiness in your life.